things could be worse...

Sometimes I have a tendency to get pretty down on myself. I'm sure everyone has been there, but there are just times when nothing seems to be going your way and it can be tough to get out of that kind of funk. Or at least it used to be, because thanks to the internet, whenever I get into that kind of mood in the future, I can just read this story about a guy whose wife left him after he got an erection while watching the dolphin show at Sea World, and it really helps put everything in perspective.

Russians are weird, but cool.

Earlier today, my friend Spencer turned me onto this following video with the solemn promise that, "it will change you." And let me tell you, that sick fuck was absolutely right. Spencer, you had me at "Russian metal band video featuring Mikhail Gorbochev as an axe-wielding barbarian zombie killer."


GORBACHOV: THE MUSIC VIDEO - BIGGER AND RUSSIANER from Tom Stern on Vimeo.

the Ah-nuld sound.

As you might have guessed by my obsession with Steven Seagal, I am a massive fan of 80's action movies (well, I'm pretty much obsessed with action movies from any genre.) Perhaps no one better personifies the action movie archetype better than Arnold Schwarzenegger, who has starred in some of the most memorable movies to ever come out of the genre, like Commando, Terminator, Total Recall, Red Heat, Predator, Terminator 2, and, ahem, Last Action Hero. Although probably the most shocking thing about Arnold's career, is that he is now governor of one of the most powerful states in America, and is actually doing a really good job. Arnold practices politics in a very logical, pragmatic way - he puts his personal feelings aside, and governs the state based on what the people living there want. It seems simple enough, but I feel like most other political leaders don't exactly grasp this concept. To my uninformed self, politics, especially in America, seem to be based more on complete insanity, or the whims of a very small group of rich people. Anyways, even though I am a huge fan of Arnold's both as an actor and a politican, it is still really amusing to me to look at this and realize that he is one of the most powerful men in America.

saviour of the universe.

Queen are one of my favourite bands ever, but in the grand scheme of Queen songs, the title track for the Flash Gordon movie doesn't really hold a candle to any of their other classic songs. Yet for some reason I felt compelled to post the following video, just so you can witness just how far it descends into insane 80's camp. This is partially accomplished by including scenes from the movie, which is pretty much one of the campiest, cheesiest movies ever (I've never even actually seen it, but I caught most of it without the volume while at a bar one night several years ago, and I think I pretty much got the gist of it.) And the song is so over the top to begin with that the resulting video is just one big glorious mess of 80's kitsch.



By the way, Freddy Mercury, another one of the all-time great moustaches.

One of the main reasons I like Queen so much is because Brian May is probably my favourite guitar player ever, but another one of my favourite guitar players is Randy Rhoads, who was the guitarist on the first two Ozzy Osbourne solo albums. Ozzy is a huge joke these days but the two records he did with Randy are insanely good (mostly because Rhoads played on them.) Anyways, I found a really cool video of a live performance of Mr Crowley from around 1980.



Its hard to believe, and extremely depressing, that Rhoads would be dead 2 years later at the age of 25. There's no telling what else he would have gone on to accomplish. Please, someone remind me never to go on a plane ride with a sketchy, coked-out tour bus driver, under any circumstances!

Happy Birthday TC

Today is the birthday of one of my all-time favourite actors, Tom Cruise. I know that he has taken a lot of shit with the media (and pretty much everyone else in the world) over the last few years as he has grown to be more and more outspoken about Scientology, but amidst all that he has been turning in some stellar performances that get totally overlooked because of his so-called 'mental instability.' He always seems to work with really great directors like Spielberg, Michael Mann, P.T. Anderson and Cameron Crowe, picks interesting projects and never phones in a performance. Despite (or perhaps because of) the intense backlash against the Cruise, I have been, and will continue fervently supporting him to anyone who will listen.

And besides, is Scientology really that bad? Is alien spirits trapped in your body that were once blown up with hydrogen bombs at the hands of a Galactic Emperor named Xenu really more bizarre than most of the fantastical and obviously made up shit that comes from any other major religion? And I don't know, I can't help but watch this next video, and think that some of it makes a lot of sense! I think I need to head over to my local Scientology center for a free E-Meter reading.



See, they're the authorities on improving conditions! They improve conditions. And they're here to help. Period. Happy Birthday Tom.

moustache thoughts

So I was thinking that when I get a bit older and have kids, I'm going to grow a moustache. I've tried growing one before and it hasn't worked out too well so far. I feel like I need about another decade of growth to really be able to sufficiently rock one. Ideally I would be able to grow something akin to Bill Murray in Rushmore. Not too prominent but still noticeably there, and effective. All this thinking about moustaches reminded me off my favourite moustache ever, Oates from Hall and Oates:



Now, I will never be able to grow a moustache as glorious as Oates', but anytime I feel a little down because of that sad reality I can always just watch this:

Happy Canada Day