Joaquin Phoenix insanity recap.

I haven't mentioned anything thus far about the epic Joaquin Phoenix meltdown that has been going on for the last few weeks, as it just seemed too...easy. But you know what, fuck it, this is rapidly becoming one of my all-time favourite celebrity meltdowns, and I don't care whether its really real or if its all just an elaborate media stunt to create a compelling documentary subject for his brother-in-law Casey Affleck. This shit is funny. First he claimed to be retiring from acting to concentrate on his music career. Then there was his first ever live concert that made a collective nation say, "what the fuck??" Then there was the already-legendary Letterman appearance. Now he is being mocked mercilessly by Alec Baldwin and Ben Stiller. Seriously, what the hell is going on with this guy? Whatever it is, I personally prefer my crazed-Letterman appearances to be a bit more Crispin Glover-y.

more birthday fun.

Alright Michelle it's your turn. Have fun tonight!

n-hole it was your birthday.

So it was my friend Nichole's birthday on Monday. Now, I went to see Fucked Up with her and her sister / my old stalker Michelle this weekend and it was kind of an official birthday hangout, but yet when Monday rolled around I don't think I gave her a call. I'm not sure why exactly this was, I think I got confused as to when the actual date of the birthday was. How did I manage that? I have no idea. But anyways I just realized this tonight and I felt like a dick so I made this sweet belated birthday card, so happy birthday Nichole.

Merry Christmas

the British are weird.

There is this strange phenomenon here in England where lots of classic films get remade for the stage. For instance, there is an adaptation of Rain Man starring Josh Hartnett. There is an Edward Scissorhands musical. A stage version of Wizard of Oz. And that's all well and good, but after a certain point it starts to get a little bizarre:

diet Dr Palin.

I have a bit of a confession to make. Although I am incredibly relieved over the results of the US presidential election, I am a little bit sad that the days of Sarah Palin being one of the most visible public figures in the known universe have, at least for now, come to an end. As even though I strongly disagree with the majority of her political beliefs, and think she was ridiculously unqualified to potentially become the second-in-command of America - I am incredibly attracted to her. I tuned into the Vice Presidential debates wanting to see her get demolished by Joe Biden and finally reveal herself to the American public as a know-nothing, inexperienced, living political ploy. Instead I was enraptured by her folksy colloquialisms and every day American charm. I felt like every one of her cheeky winks was directed only at me. Luckily, like Indiana Jones snapping out of his murderous trance after being force fed the blood of Kali by the evil Thugee cult in Temple of Doom, I was able shake off the hypnosis resulting from Palin's idiotic siren song before I moved to Arkansas and became a registered Republican. I was worried for a few weeks that the majority of American voters were going to fall under her spell, and that we were only a few years out from the phrase "don't 'cha know" being used for the first time ever in a Presidential state of the union address, but fortunately I was proved wrong and Palin has since gone back to being the governor of a state that no one really cares about.

But I'm seriously digressing here. My original point was that despite our differing political views, I still have a schoolboy crush on Palin. So I was delighted when after being confronted about the alleged fact that she spent over $100, 000 of RNC money at high end clothing stores purchasing new wardrobes for her and her family before she was unveiled to the public, she responded by insisting that she "never asked for anything more than a diet Dr Pepper once in a while." Whoa, wait a second. Sarah Palin drinks diet Dr Pepper, the most delicious soft drink ever invented? Be still my heart! Even if Palin would make a terrible Vice President (or regular President for that matter,) at least we can all come together in a bipartisan way in appreciation of diet Dr Pepper's cool, refreshing taste and total lack of calories (though its probably worth pointing out that since Palin gave birth only 7 months ago she really has no business enjoying delicious chemical-filled diet soda of any kind.)

Anways, Palin's unquestionably terrible parenting skills aside, I think I know the perfect way that she can remain in the public eye before her inevitable return to the spotlight in four years:



Next up in terms of beautiful conservatives who I don't agree with but would still love to take to the movies: Meghan McCain.

yes we did.

palin-drones.

I've been trying as hard as humanly possible not to continually comment on the absolute insanity that is the US presidential election, but this video was far too good to pass up. I'm not going to rant or say anything snarky about this, as its really not even funny, its actually quite terrifying. I think the United States should just split into two countries and be done with it.



via Shabooty

It's really hard to imagine that 6 weeks ago, barely anyone had any idea who Sarah Palin is, and now she is one of the most famous human beings on the planet. Anything featuring her is going viral almost instantly, for example the above clip was uploaded 4 days ago and has now been viewed 1.2 million times. Or this hilarious clip of Palin getting viciously booed at a Philadelphia Flyers game which has had almost 1 million views in two days. It's objectively fascisnating, but if she wins on November 4th, I'm taking the first space elevator off this damn planet.

turing trouble.

The Turing Test, designed by mathematician Alan Turing in 1950, is a test administered to machines to determine whether they are capable of displaying human intelligence. The way it works is a moderator poses a set of questions and basically has a short conversation with a human and a computer counterpart. Afterward the moderator has to point out which one was which, and if he fails to identify the machine correctly, it has passed the test. While no artificial intelligence has ever passed the Turing Test, the idea is that this is ultimately going to be the indication of when a computer has become self-aware, or as I like to call it, the "time to run away to the apocalypse cabin" alarm.

This Sunday, 6 computer programs - with creepy names like Brother Jerome and Eugene Goostman - are going to be "speaking" to interrogators in an attempt to pass the test. I won't be there personally but I imagine it will look something like this:



Yeah...we're pretty much fucked.