Sunday, November 9, 2008

diet Dr Palin.

I have a bit of a confession to make. Although I am incredibly relieved over the results of the US presidential election, I am a little bit sad that the days of Sarah Palin being one of the most visible public figures in the known universe have, at least for now, come to an end. As even though I strongly disagree with the majority of her political beliefs, and think she was ridiculously unqualified to potentially become the second-in-command of America - I am incredibly attracted to her. I tuned into the Vice Presidential debates wanting to see her get demolished by Joe Biden and finally reveal herself to the American public as a know-nothing, inexperienced, living political ploy. Instead I was enraptured by her folksy colloquialisms and every day American charm. I felt like every one of her cheeky winks was directed only at me. Luckily, like Indiana Jones snapping out of his murderous trance after being force fed the blood of Kali by the evil Thugee cult in Temple of Doom, I was able shake off the hypnosis resulting from Palin's idiotic siren song before I moved to Arkansas and became a registered Republican. I was worried for a few weeks that the majority of American voters were going to fall under her spell, and that we were only a few years out from the phrase "don't 'cha know" being used for the first time ever in a Presidential state of the union address, but fortunately I was proved wrong and Palin has since gone back to being the governor of a state that no one really cares about.

But I'm seriously digressing here. My original point was that despite our differing political views, I still have a schoolboy crush on Palin. So I was delighted when after being confronted about the alleged fact that she spent over $100, 000 of RNC money at high end clothing stores purchasing new wardrobes for her and her family before she was unveiled to the public, she responded by insisting that she "never asked for anything more than a diet Dr Pepper once in a while." Whoa, wait a second. Sarah Palin drinks diet Dr Pepper, the most delicious soft drink ever invented? Be still my heart! Even if Palin would make a terrible Vice President (or regular President for that matter,) at least we can all come together in a bipartisan way in appreciation of diet Dr Pepper's cool, refreshing taste and total lack of calories (though its probably worth pointing out that since Palin gave birth only 7 months ago she really has no business enjoying delicious chemical-filled diet soda of any kind.)

Anways, Palin's unquestionably terrible parenting skills aside, I think I know the perfect way that she can remain in the public eye before her inevitable return to the spotlight in four years:

Next up in terms of beautiful conservatives who I don't agree with but would still love to take to the movies: Meghan McCain.


HOLLYx3TMD said...

lmfao. oh my god Rob. that is hysterical; yet utterly REPULSIVE. ew. end of story.

Taylor said...

As my friend Maria constantly likes to remind me "squeeeeee!!! Sarah Palin has the nicest legs!!!" Hahaha. She is quite the cougar, isn't she?

P.S. Diet Dr. Pepper pwns.

Azale said...

"be still my heart!"
You rock.

Mariaaa said...

Sarah Palin is such a hottie.

Mark said...


I forgot about your love of the Diet Dr. Pepper (and aspartame in general).

P.S. Get your scrubby paws away from Meghan McCain. If you touch her, I swear...