Monday, June 30, 2008

she's heart and soul, she's hot and cold



I've always liked Huey Lewis and the News in a pretty ironic way. The songs of theirs that I can remember from my childhood are their later, kitchier ones like 'Hip to be Square,' and 'Power of Love,' and while I do enjoy them still, its kind of impossible to take them seriously. So I can't believe I had never heard this song 'Heart and Soul' before, it was one of the hits of their massive record Sports, and it is seriously amazing. There's really not much to dislike about this video, the song is unbelievable, and I absolutely love the dance moves performed by Huey and his two guitar players.



Fantastic.

Dimitri is more manly than I could ever hope to be.

Wow. I just stumbled across this absolutely insane voice mail (via Gorrilamask) that someone had the genius idea of posting online.



Imagine going on a date with this guy? He would probably invite you back to his place, but would keep disappearing and coming back, and you would think he was just going to the bathroom, until you followed him one time and realized that he kept going back to to spray air freshener on a decomposing corpse locked in his closet.

Friday, June 27, 2008

you people make me sick.

As some of you may have heard, recently TMZ.com released a clip from a stolen sex tape starring aspiring model Ranae Shrider, and Verne Troyer, who played "Mini-Me" in the Austin Powers films. Now this really gets my goat. Only in America would people have the audacity to mockingly joke about a special loving relationship between two consenting adults just because one of those people happens to have a tiny, tiny body. Absolutely disgusting. There is nothing funny at all about the following pictures:







Nope, not funny in the slightest.

I found these here.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

when life gives you lemons...

...you strap some wheels onto a puppy with no front legs.



read more here.

the Joker is going to be creepy as fuck.



Its been around 6 months, and I am still shocked about Heath Ledger's death. I don't know why it affected me so much, he was just such a young guy and a really great actor. I have a lot of respect for actors, I think its a really tough profession to succeed in, and its probably really difficult to be any good at it. So it really sucks that he died at such a young age, as he definitely had a lot of great work left in him. Anyways I'm really excited to see his performance in the Dark Knight, even though I imagine its going to creep the hell out of me. I have a theory that he is going to get nominated for a posthumous Oscar, just because of the amount of publicity about the part, and the tragic nature of his death. I may be speaking a little too soon here considering all I've seen is a few clips from the trailer, but if that happens, remember that I mentioned it here. Anyways, here is a link to one of the only interviews he ever gave about the role. Its pretty interesting.

Monday, June 23, 2008

trailer mashups make me smile.

One of my favourite things that the internet, in all its infinite wisdom, has blessed us with is the movie trailer mashup. For some reason I get a real kick out of people who recut trailers to make them seem like completely different films than they actually are. Here are some of my favourites.

this is a pretty new one, the epic action adventure blockbuster, Superbad:



the devastating human drama about a day in the life of troubled teen Ferris Bueller, Requiem for a Day Off:



the terrifying suspense / thriller about loneliness, stalking, and potential violence in the big city, When Harry Met Sally:



And finally, my personal favourite, the heartwarming romantic comedy, Shining:



Despite some really high hopes, I was mildly disappointed with the Tarantino / Rodriguez 70's movie-geek dick measuring contest, Grindhouse. I really liked Death Proof, and I thought Planet Terror was just ok. To me, the best part of either movie was the fake trailers that they played between them. The best one of the bunch is Edgar Wright's Don't. He is one of my absolute favourite directors, and I would gladly shell out 12 bucks to see Don't, which if it actually existed, would probably be one of the most incredible movies ever made.

don't sleep on Seagal.

You know what would lighten up the mood of this blog a little bit? This Japanese commercial for a Steven Seagal dvd boxed-set.



yeah...that'll do nicely.

why is everyone dying this month?


1937 - 2008

First Guillaume, then Stan Winston, and now George Carlin has died. This month has been pretty crappy so far in terms of cool people leaving us forever. This blog is getting solemn so I won't dwell on this. My dad introduced me to George Carlin at a young age, and he was a really cool, smart, funny guy. He will be missed.

I hope the Russians love their children too.

Recently I have been obsessed with this Sting song from the beginning of his solo career, Russians. It never ceases to amaze me when celebrities and musicians think they can change the world in these profound ways by singing or talking about something that the rest of us already know, like "poverty is bad," or in this case, "nuclear war is bad!" So in the midst if the Cold War when it seemed like the US and Russia were on the verge of mutual nuclear annihilation, Sting thought he would help us all out by putting out this gem:



Now don't get me wrong, I think this is an amazing song, but I think in general Sting is kind of a wanker. It's a wonder we weren't all blown up in 1985 when the one man standing between us and full-scale nuclear war was this guy:



OK, so I'm probably being a little harsh. Russians is more a song that attempts to poignantly describe the Cold War hysterics of the 80's, and I highly doubt that Sting felt that its release was going to actually make a difference in the grand scheme of things. But you know what, Sting always seems like such a self-righteous prick, and if I can come up with excuse to post a picture of him in metal underwear from David Lynch's Dune, then damnit, I'm going to do it.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Patrick Stewart

I was told today that I haven't been posting in my blog enough recently...and thats fair. I have definitely been slacking recently, and I do apologize. In any case, I just got back from my cousin's wedding, and I have been drinking heavily so I'm going to post some pictures of one of the greatest actors of all time, Patrick Stewart.







If those amazing pictures don't prove to you that Patrick Stewart is a god amongst men, then this clip from Ricky Gervais series 'Extras' will surely convince you.



"But I've already seen everything."

And finally, one of my all-time favourite Patrick Stewart scenes ever, from 'Chain of Command pt II,' an episode from the 6th season of Star Trek: the Next Generation. For this entire episode Picard has been getting physically and mentally tormented by this sadistic Cardassian played by David Warner, which ultimately leads to this final standoff:



Patrick Stewart is the fucking man.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

R. Kelly: NOT GUILTY

In a bit of happier news, R. Kelly was recently acquitted of all his child pornography charges. R. Kelly is one of my favourite musicians and I'm happy for him that this case, which has been ongoing for the last six years, has ended, so he can go back to making catchy, sexually suggestive records like Chocolate Factory or his epic masterpiece Trapped in the Closet, without seeming like he is incriminating himself somehow. But seriously, does this look like a man who would do indecent things on camera to a 13 year-old girl?



Um, you know what, on second thought, don't answer that.

Stan Winston has died.


R.I.P Stan Winston 1946 - 2008

This makes me really really sad. Stan Winston, an absolute legend in the world of visual effects, has died. He was 62. It's really hard to understate the impact that Stan had on the world of practical effects. His incredible work is featured in some of the most amazing and visually impressive films of all time, like the Terminator movies, Aliens, Predator, Jurassic Park and many more. He most recently had designed the effects for Iron Man, and his work in that movie is what helped to elevate what could have been a totally mediocre cgi fest, into an instant classic comic book adaptation. He was also currently working on a new Terminator trilogy, which gave that project way more credibility to skeptical fanboys like me. I was a huge fan of Stan's and it really saddens me that he is gone, but he will live on in the countless people working in visual effects that he has inspired with his amazing work, not to mention in all the classic films he was a part of.







Wednesday, June 11, 2008

baby got (a penis on his) back.



A baby in China was born with a penis on his back. I don't even have anything witty to say about this. Read about it here.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

R.I.P Guillaume Francois Beaudry de la Montagne


???? - 2008

I'm going to miss that surly orange bastard.

fuck it! we'll do it live!!!

The American political commentary landscape is littered with a vast plethora of huge fucking assholes. Between guys like Tucker Carlson, Lou Dobbs, and Rush Limbaugh, it seems like the main thing big media corporations look for when hiring someone for insane amounts of money to talk about their completely retarded worldview on television or radio is that they be a massive douchebag. But of all the giant douches working in political punditry today, there is perhaps no bigger a douche than Bill O'Reilly.

A few weeks ago, footage surfaced of a younger O'Reilly, then the host of Inside Edition, freaking out and having an insane hissy fit while the cameras were still rolling. Apparently he was dismayed that his producers felt that, as a man who is paid to talk on television, he should be able to improvise a short outro blurb at the end of the show instead of reading the exact words off of a teleprompter. Check out the hilarity for yourself:



Obviously, this has become a massive internet sensation, and earlier today I stumbled upon this site which features a bunch of music that various people have made by remixing sound bites from O'Reilly's temper tantrum. I particularly enjoyed the Scatman remix.

So again, just to reiterate, Bill O'Reilly is a douche. That is all.

Danny Wood is ugly

So there is a big hubbub right now about the New Kids on the Block reunion. In honour of this momentous occasion I have decided to post this totally random picture of Danny Wood who, in spite of the fact that he was a performer in one of the most successful teen idol, heartthrob boy bands ever...is a pretty hideous looking dude.



ugh.

Also, I had no idea prior to today, but were you aware that Danny, one of the ugliest, weirdest looking guys ever (I really can't stress this enough,) used to have sex with one of the hottest women on the planet, Halle Berry? It sounds insane, well, actually it is completely insane but here is some photo evidence to back me up.



Man, the early 90's were a weird time. I just can't wait until early 90's retro fashion makes a comeback. And by "can't wait," I actually mean, "the thought of that makes me want to stab out my eyeballs with a pencil."

Friday, June 6, 2008

yes we can.

I really hope Barack Obama becomes the next president of the United States. For one, he seems to want to rise above all the bullshit insanity that surrounds American politics and actually govern the country based on what its citizens want, and is not just trying to appease a small percentage of really rich people, or a bunch of corporate lobbyists that have paid for his presidency. But all that is beside the point, the main reason I want Barack to win the election is because I want the leader of the free world to be a dude who fist bumps his wife when he finds out some good news.



Another positive is that Michelle Obama will be the hottest first lady of my lifetime, although McCain's wife is pretty hot too so there is pretty much a win-win situation there. Although its not really win-win at all because McCain is a crazy old bastard.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

9021 - ouch

Beverly Hills 90210 is another one of the greatest shows ever made. I am not sure how I feel about this 90210 remake thats coming this fall, since theres no way it will ever match the utter genius of the original. Anyways we all remember David Silver, the geeky wannabe musician who spent the bulk of the series trying to sleep with Tori Spelling (yikes.) Now watch this next video and then try and imagine the fact that today, Brian Austin Green can have sex with Meghan Fox (from Transformers) whenever he wants. Be careful though, because thinking about it for too long will cause your brain to swell against the inside of your skull.

driving on salvia

Those wacky salvia-loving college kids are back at it again. I really highly doubt I will ever try this stuff, but I will continue to enjoy it vicariously through these guys. The host, Eric, is able to remain a lot more coherent this time, although he still does not even come close to accomplishing the tasks that he initially set out to do. Nevertheless, this guy and his crippling drug habit continue to be a bright spot in my life.

Monday, June 2, 2008

you will die if you eat this

By the power of Greyskull!



I found this pic via www.texasburgerguy.com, its called a Luther Burger. It is a bacon cheeseburger, served on a bun of...wait for it...grilled Krispy Kreme donuts. I feel like this is one of those things that I would see on the menu of a random restaurant while driving through the southern United States and would be forced to order it just because it is so disgusting. And then after it was over I would feel such powerful shame that I would renounce eating gross fatty foods forever, only to squander that promise the next day by eating something covered in cream gravy. If i lived in the South I would look like this:

Fresh Prince en italiano

Fresh Prince of Bel Air is clearly one of the greatest television shows ever made. But what if it were translated into italian? Is there a chance that it could somehow become even better? The answer is no, there is no possible way to improve Fresh Prince. but check out the opening credits and theme song for the italian version and tell me you don't want to watch the rest of this bad boy:



I will never be able to take Will Smith seriously. I did enjoy his ultra bizarre hitting on mannequins behavior in I Am Legend, even though that movie sucked. But for instance in Bad Boys he plays this streetwise, tough-talking Miami police detective, but it just seems so phony, like it is physically painful for him to say the word "motherfucker."



Even Martin Lawrence is thinking "Will, you're not fooling anyone dude."