Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Action and Retraction: Cindy McCain not hot

So a few months ago when I was expressing my love of the now-famous "Obama fist bump," I mentioned that I found Cindy McCain fairly attractive. In fact, as embarrassed as I am about this, I think my exact words were that she is "pretty hot," and that in terms of the relative hotness of her and Michelle Obama, either one becoming America's next first lady was basically a win-win situation. I would officially like to retract that statement. I think I was fooled by the fact that I had only ever seen Cindy from a long distance or with the same sort of soft lighting that was used in old Liz Taylor perfume commercials. Also, standing next to John McCain, who I think is about 9,000 years old, pretty much anyone will look like a 22-year-old Swedish model in comparison. Anyways, I now realize that she actually looks like this:

She looks like a witch that could suck out children's souls just by looking at them in some kind of young adult fantasy novel. Sorry gang.

The reason I felt compelled to retract this statement is mostly due to the fact that, after seeing Michelle Obama's speech at the Democratic National Convention, I am pretty much totally in love with her, and have realized that there is really no comparison between the two either in hotness levels or just overall personality. I mean, just look at her, she is a total babe:

Now, you may be asking yourself, "what does comparing the relative attractiveness of the two potential first ladies actually add to the political process?" You might also be saying to yourself, "you are a fucking idiot for even writing about this." To that I respond, "nothing at all," and "you can go straight to hell." There are people much more educated and in the know than I, (and many who are less educated and much less in the know,) who are spewing out their opinions on the upcoming US election and will continue to do so with an increasingly alarming frequency in the coming months, and I feel no need to clutter up the internet by contributing anything insightful to the conversation. Besides, if I can't use my blog to make ridiculous statements like "Cindy McCain looks like a soul-sucking witch," then goddamnit, what am I even doing this for??

One last thing though, regarding the Obama fist bump. What was with that outcry afterwards of dumbass Fox news political analysts wondering if it was actually a "terrorist fist jab?" People, if that is what the fist bump has become, then the terrorists truly have won.

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